Fish Food

The plight of my little fishies.

2010-12-08T17:06:00.000-08:00

It's hard working in this field for a large corporation instead of a non-profit institution. The "higher ups" have no concern for the well being of our animals, and don't take our expertise into mind.. seems like they don't even recognize that we are good at what we are do and we have extensive training in it. Of course THEY know better because they are high up in the company.

Today, one of them said something like, "I want you to keep stocking the tank, putting more and more fish in until they are knocking on the window saying 'I need more oxygen!'" Wow. Just wow. They don't know the millions of little factors that go into having an increased number of fish: water quality, livable habitat and hiding spots, spread of disease, etc.. let alone it's just inhumane for the poor fish. But they just want it to look pretty.

Interesting though, that to others, the aquarium is only more beautiful if there is a ton of fish in it. It's as if that's how they really think the ocean is in nature: that every inch is packed with fish. Not only is that just not true in the natural sense but also reflects the fact that people think the ocean has an endless supply of fish... which we know is definitely not true considering we fish species after species to near-extinction.

I'm in this field first and foremost for the well-being of the animals. I'm not the biggest supporter of capturing these tropical fish and keeping them in captivity, but I know the field is not going anywhere and I'm happy to be here to try and give them the best life possible. So at least I can take solace in that fact.

I really do enjoy my job and I'm glad I'm at the place I'm at... but sometimes it's just hard to remember we're dealing with a company whose major goal is profit... while we're sitting in our office just wanting to educate the public about the ocean and keep our fish happy.

/soap box

Who do you think you are, running around leaving scars?

2010-11-05T11:24:00.000-07:00

How many times can a heart break before it is unfixable? What does it take to make a person shut down and never want to try to fall in love again?

Luckily I'm a positive person, and while being rejected 4 times in one year hurts... a lot... I will make it through and just keep moving on.

I suppose I should take it as a blessing. At least I am making progress with the guys I associate myself with. I upgraded to someone who made me feel good about myself, and who I could tell was genuinely into me. Now I just need to continue moving forward and find someone with good communication in the bad times as well, and someone with good conflict resolution skills, and someone who is able to compromise.

I keep coming across this issue of "change" in my relationships. Me wanting to change them, and them wanting to change me. What we have to recognize here is that there is a difference in changing the essence of who you are and changing an attitude. Sure, I have self esteem problems. Not to the point that I think poorly of myself, but just that I worry about what guys think of me, and doubt their feelings unnecessarily. Yes, that is definitely a change I need to make, and I would appreciate a guy who can recognize that and help me through it. But don't feel bad because you think you're changing the person that I am, that's not true. If you have anger issues and I think you should change it, that is not changing who you are, that is changing an unhealthy attitude that hurts other people and prevents you from making any progress.

I have to thank Annie Crawley for her insight too. I always notice when my ego is getting in the way and try and stop it, and I can recognize when someone is being defensive and rude to me.. so then I know it's not me, it's just their ego getting in the way.

Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think if you ask any married couple, a good relationship that will last a long time requires:
1. Communication
2. Compromise, especially in the sense of pushing your ego aside and really listening to what the other person has to say
3. An open mind
4. Fun
5. Friendship
6. Emotional Stability
7. A strong connection- realizing each others faults and still loving each other for them. Knowing each others differences and embracing them.

And I deserve someone who is able to do all of these!

And now, I just want to make a list I can look at when I'm feeling down.. I guess a little pep talk if you want to call it that.

Reasons I should not dwell over past relationships:
- I deserve someone who shows me they care, every minute of every day
- I deserve someone that thinks I am good enough to work through the rough spots with.
- I deserve someone who can't forget about me at the drop of a hat. Someone who needs me and can't just ignore their feelings for me.
- I deserve someone who is able to communicate issues with me. Keeping them locked up and not telling me when something I do bothers you is never going to work. The problem will just continue and you will become more and more frustrated.
- I deserve someone with consistency of feelings towards me
- I deserve someone who can sit down and talk with me without becoming blinded by anger.
- I deserve someone who can actually sit down and think about how their words affect me, and understand why I get upset over them.
- I deserve someone who wants to make plans with me and only me. Someone who wants to bond with me and improve our connection.
- I deserve someone who can have sympathy for me when I'm having a hard time. Someone who can listen and offer insight.
- I deserve romance!

Things I learned:
- I need to work on thinking before I speak.
- I need to have confidence that the person I'm with is with me for a reason, and not question their motives.
- I need to not get worked up over small things right away. I need to let them play out a bit before making a decision, but still bring up the issue as soon as I know it is definitely an issue.
- I need to complain less.
- I need to have more confidence in myself and know that I am a great girlfriend. I need to not second guess myself or my feelings.
- I need to work on not completely throwing myself at the guy. I need to have time to myself and time with my friends. I know with Matt this was a huge problem, but with Paul I think maybe I just didnt have enough time to fit it all in. Either way it is something I need to focus on. I need to sometimes give him a chance to come to me.

Parts of myself I should have confidence and pride in:
- I am able to compromise. I can listen to what you're saying, and examine it to see if its true and make a change in my life.
- I am positive
- I am laid back and mature about my relationships. I have complete trust and don't let jealousy blind me. I am able to sit down and talk about issues like an adult, thinking about both sides of the argument.
- I may be naive, but I think it helps me enjoy life. I like seeing the best in people.
- I am willing to stick it out through the good times and the bad. When I care about someone, I will put in the time to make things work.
- I give the person 200% of myself. I am open and honest about everything. I am a great listener and I am always there for them when they're having a hard time, listening and offering insight.
- I am independent and have a great career. I follow my passion and I am a generally passionate person.

Half Life

2010-07-18T22:15:00.000-07:00

Best bits of one of the many songs I've been identifying with recently.. but this one hits the nail on the head:

I knew that I'd get like this again
That's why I try to keep at bay
Be a hundred percent when I'm with you and then
The perfect heart's length away

The stickler is you've played not one beat wrong
You never promised me anything
Even sat me down and warned me just how they fall
I knew the odds were I'd never win

Yet here I am

Well there may well be others but I still like to pretend
That I'm the one you really want to grow old with

Got a schedule to stick to, got a world to keep sweet
You're so much to everyone all the time
Will you ever slow down? Will I ever come first?
The universe contracts to sigh

You know you'll never be lonely, no you'll always be loved
And maybe you never need more than that
But for the surplus that loves, what's to become of us?
Does it even register on your conscience?

Long for one last showdown from a box in a crowd
Air compressed tight to explode
I'm clenching my ticket to the only way out
As you disappear in a puff of smoke

How to make a beautiful life.

2010-03-26T17:04:00.000-07:00

I just had to post this.. this was in a card that my mom gave me for my birthday.. and I really needed to hear it. You should too. It's really nice.

Love yourself.
MAKE PEACE with who you are
and where you are
at this moment in time

Listen to your heart.
If you can't hear what it's saying
in this noisy world,
MAKE TIME for yourself.
Enjoy your own company.
Let your mind wander among the stars.

Try.
Take chances.
MAKE MISTAKES.
Life can be messy
and confusing at times,
but it's also full of surprises.
The next rock in your path might be a stepping-stone.

Be happy.
When you don't have what you want,
want what you have.
MAKE DO.
That's a well-kept secret of contentment.

There aren't any shortcuts to tomorrow.
You have to MAKE YOUR OWN WAY.
To know where you're going
is only part of it.
You need to know where you've been, too.
And if you ever get lost, don't worry.
The people who love you will find you.
Count on it.

Life isn't days and years.
It's what you do with time
and with all the goodness and grace
that's inside you.
MAKE A BEAUTIFUL LIFE...
The kind of life you deserve.

Where does LA's trash go? Straight to the Ocean.

2010-02-19T12:13:00.000-08:00

Yesterday at work I had to opportunity to go out on our little boat and go kelp collecting (Kelp is the food of many of our so-cal and northern animals... like abalone). This was my first look at the water that everyone had been telling me was of horrible water quality.

When I first applied to the aquarium, my friend Francis and I decided they had to be an open system because they sit right on the ocean. An open system at an Aquarium means they take their water straight out of the ocean, it cycles through the aquarium, then goes right back out. The Ty Warner Sea Center in Santa Barbara has this type of system.

Upon starting work, I quickly learned that this is not the case, because the LA River flows right into the ocean here. Since LA is possibly one of the most polluted areas in the country, this is bad news for our water systems. Annie Crawley from Dive Into Your Imagination always says "Everything we do on land affects the ocean." I think the people of LA really need to learn this lesson.

As I was out on that little boat for only a half hour, I saw so many disturbing things.

1. The water building up in the back of the harbor had all of this disgusting brown stuff floating around. Whether it was broken down debris, or waste from a boats ballast, I don't know but it can't be good for the water.

2. The water further out was quite murky. Granted productive waters like those in California are not going to be clear, but this was not the healthy kind of "murky."

3. Upon exiting the harbor, we saw a group of seagulls standing on a platform. One of them was eating a styrofoam cup. After shaking it around for a bit, it fell back in the water for another unsuspecting animal to find.

4. We saw countless pieces of trash floating around as we made our way out to the breakwater (the breakwater is a big underwater wall built to protect the fleet that used to be stationed here)

5. On the way back in, we saw another seabird swimming around with a fish line in its mouth.

This all was extremely shocking to me, considering we were only out for a short period of time. It made me realize even more just how incredible Annie's trip to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch was... to find so many tiny bits of plastic 1000 miles off the coast. We all need to learn about our watersheds and how we are affecting them with our garbage.

But what is a watershed? Princeton.edu says: "the entire geographical area drained by a river and its tributaries; an area characterized by all runoff being conveyed to the same outlet." Basically this means that a watershed is where water comes from when rain falls. We are polluting our watersheds through litter, agricultural runoff, and everything you dump into your gutter.

And all of this, no matter how far away fromt he ocean you are, eventually ends up in the ocean.

So why should we care?

1. While 70% of the planet is covered in water, only about 3% is freshwater. Our freshwater systems, like the LA River as so polluted that they completely destroy water in the ocean? That is shocking. Not only that, but we need this freshwater for ourselves- for our showers, to drink.... why are we so careless with such a small amount of fresh water?

2. Through the water cycle, the ocean provides us with water. We don't want that water to be polluted.

3. The ocean provides 50-90% of our oxygen. We need to protect something this important.

4. The ocean provides us with food, and that supply is quickly dwindling as it is through overfishing. Why kill more fish with pollution?

5. Chemicals that are made into plastic, and chemicals that are attracted to plastic in the water may build up in the tissues of animals we eat. We are polluting ourselves. We Californians are completely filled with the chemicals, PBDEs from all of the flame retardants that are required on pretty much everything we own. The level in Californians is ridiculously higher than in every other state.

6. The ocean is a source of recreation, and is beautiful and breath-taking.

So I encourage you to learn about your watershed... and those of us in LA need to change our behaviors, because the pollution in the LA River has so many negative effects.

Finally, I want to share one of my favorite videos from Annie's trip to the Great Pacific Garbage Patch:

Chelsea Rochman Discusses her Conclusions about Plastic in the Gyre

Just keep swimming...

2010-02-06T14:23:00.000-08:00

So after 3 months of no luck finding a paying job, I was looking on the AZA website per my usual routine and saw an ad for internships at the Aquarium of the Pacific in Long Beach. I figured, hey, it's close, and it will give me the specific experience that's holding me back from all the paid jobs I couldn't get. I was only offered an interview for one of the many jobs I applied for, and that was for a part time food prep job at a zoo in Boston. Except they wanted me to fly out there within the next few days on my money and interview for them. What? They straight up told me it wouldn't be worth it for me.. so so much for that.

So applied for the internships at the Aquarium of the Pacific. You could apply for all of them at once which was nice, and then just list the ones you wanted in order of most to least. I think the order I chose was Aquarist > Education > Program Animals > Marine Mammals > Aviculture... or something like that. Well after a phone interview (yes, I live 2 hours from the aquarium and they did a phone interview, yet Boston wouldn't do one) and an in person interview, I had the Aquarist Internship.

So to Long Beach I moved after perusing Craigslist for a place to live. I started on January 11, and I have been enjoying myself ever since.

Now, an Aquarist job isn't as glamorous as it sounds. One of the 3 aquarists I work under called it a "glorified janitor job" and it's totally true, but it's totally fun! Yeah there's a lot of hard work changing filter bags, cleaning protein skimmers, and keeping the exhibits looking spotless... but for some reason it's still fun. Probably because I regularly get to feed awesome animals like sting rays and zebra sharks. Oh yeah, I'm in the Tropical section.

There are 5 different sections the aquarists could work in. Southern California, Northern, Jellies, Shark Lagoon, and Tropical. All of the galleries represent a zone in the Pacific ocean (thus, Aquarium of the Pacific).

Vampire Reunion

2009-11-30T00:14:00.000-08:00

I loved this video so much I had to post it here. All of the vampires getting together for a meeting: Dracula, the Count from Sesame Street, Angel, Count Chocula, the True Blood vamp.... so funny. Even Buffy!

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Thanksgiving Thoughts

2009-11-26T22:09:00.000-08:00

As I was driving home for the thanksgiving holiday down the 101 freeway, I stared out into the ocean and could see all the way across the Santa Barbara channel to the Channel Islands. Both Anacapa and Santa Cruz were clear in sight. The sun was glistening perfectly off the waves and it was just incredibly gorgeous. Sights like these make me so happy that we are an ocean planet, and I am thankful every day for the resources and happiness the ocean provides us.

Throughout experiencing the competitive field I'm in... these are the experiences that make me love that I am following my dreams. I know that I am doing the right thing and I know that I will end up happy.

Here is a little appreciation list to say what I'm thankful for, as cliche as it may be. I'm thankful for...

- My parents- without them I would never have reached the success, happiness, optimism, and love of life that I have. I owe everything to them. For pushing me to do well in school, teaching me about life, supporting me in college.

- Matt- he is always there for me through thick and thin. He loves me unconditionally (though he may be embarrassed of me sometimes!!), wants me to succeed and supports me, laughs with me, listens to me even when I'm being crazy, and is my best friend.

- My friends- they let me just have a good time and let go of all of the stresses in the world, and are goofy! with me. Dancing to crazy music in the Denny's parking lot and riding in grocery carts through the neighborhood really make me happy. We have a true, lasting friendship that even distance couldn't break.

- Nature- it inspires me and takes my breath away. The level of detail, the way every piece fits... it's just incredible. Ecology is possibly the most mind-boggling thing on the planet. It is my passion and I devote my life to it because I know that without most of the things on this planet, I would not exist. We rely on nature and the outdoors- it renews us, provides us with air, food, recreation, happiness.... good times with friends, incredible creatures... I hope everyone can appreciate nature in this way, and I hope it continues to be appreciated throughout the generations as technology, computers, video games and the like progress

What are you thankful for? Let me know!

Did we REALLY graduate at the worst time possible?

2009-11-18T18:06:00.000-08:00

You know, everyone is so pessimistic about their current situation. But of course since I am the eternal optimist, I see things right now a little differently, at least for those of us that just graduated.

About an hour ago I looked at my Blackberry, which was flashing red telling me I had a message, and saw an email from Chancellor Yang about some regents meeting to talk about increasing student fees mid-year. And of course I read the Nexus talking about how much everything was increasing this year fee-wise. So personally, I'm glad to be out of that place that just robs us poor old students blind.

And you know what? The job market really ISN'T that bad... I think we need to realize too that for a lot of majors, a B.A./B.S. just isn't enough anymore. More and more people go to college so our degrees are becoming less and less competitive. We're going to have to start out at lower level jobs that we would have had to a while ago.

The thing is, I'm in a REALLY competitive field and I'm still finding a ton of jobs I am qualified for. It just takes persistence and determination, and I think a lot of people gave up as soon as they walked across that stage to get their fake diploma.

Also, in some cases we may even have a BETTER chance at getting a job because they can pay us less than all those other, very qualified people looking for jobs.

But maybe I'm just in a really good mood because I got an interview for an internship at the Long Beach Aquarium. Woo! Nah, I really believe everything I'm saying and I really think that we shouldn't lose hope, because there ARE jobs out there, even if they're not what we were expecting... AND we don't have to pay all the ridiculous fees to stay in college (even though college was a GREAT time).

So I guess all I'm saying is that we all need to keep our chins up and be thankful for what's been put in front of us.

Reporting from Dive Into Your Imagination

2009-10-27T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm visiting the Dive Into Your Imagination crew today and it's good to be back! As soon as the ocean appeared on the side of the 101 freeway I felt renewed and happy.

Dive Into Your Imagination has been doing some awesome stuff... Annie is one of the few people who have seen the garbage patch in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. All of the videos they have been creating and putting out are completely amazing and informative.

It's really strange for me to go from a super eco-friendly place like Santa Barbara, to Palmdale where it seems like the information isn't reaching. My house is full of plastic water bottles, plastic silverware... tons of single use plastic. I go to the grocery store and see people buying packages upon packages of plastic water bottles... and I don't know what to do about it. It's not like people that live further from the coast refuse to reduce their use of plastic... they just don't know anything about it!

One of the biggest environmental issues today is one of the least known about... Fish populations are in a huge decline and we are stealing tons of fish from countries that rely on it. This means people in Africa who rely on fish for their livelihood barely catch anything. We are driving poverty in so many nations. We are destroying an ecosystem that makes up 70% of our planet and gives us 50-90% of our oxygen!!! How is this issue the least paid attention to in this green eco-movement?

How do we reach people that don't already love the ocean and get them to want to protect it? How do we get people to understand that no matter how far away from the ocean you live, you still live in a watershed that will eventually reach the ocean... and in the short-term that watershed, which is our drinking water, is becoming polluted with harmful runoff, plastic, and other debris?

The problem is just so intimidating, and I sometimes feel little hope- look at the rainforests... ever since we were kids we heard about saving trees, not using as much paper.. but rainforests are still being destroyed for our use and for agriculture, which leaves the soil uninhabitable after the crops are harvested. What hope is there for the ocean when nothing has been done about issues we've been hearing about for years and years?

Become a fan of Dive Into Your Imagination!

Having anxieties but moving forward.

2009-10-23T22:51:00.000-07:00

Why is it that when I find jobs to apply to, I get nervous about it and put it off? I think the whole process just intimidates me... I feel like I'm not good enough, not smart enough, not friendly enough... but that's not true. I have so many qualifications and I always interview really well... I think I've always had fun interviews. Lots of laughing. That's good right?

The hard part about some of the jobs is they want all this extensive and specific experience... but how am I supposed to get that experience if everyone requires it? I have a LOT of general experience, but not a broad range of specific experience.

I just need to be confident in myself. I can do it!

The job search continues...

2009-10-13T19:58:00.000-07:00

As I continue to entertain my boyfriend as a guest, I am working on applying to two more jobs. One as a Cheetah Keeper at a zoo in Oregon, and another as an education mentor for the animal care team at another zoo. I figure if I put out 100 job applications.. I have to at least hear back from one... right?

It's just so frustrating continually applying and filling out a new, long online application for each job when I don't even get an interview. I'm starting to wonder if I'm missing some error in my resume or something. I just have to keep telling myself that while I'm finding a lot of jobs that I am qualified for (as I have worked at a zoo/aquarium for a combined 2 years, which most of them want), there are a lot of people without jobs. This means that there are people that are quite overqualified applying.. and as soon as they apply my resume is gonna get thrown out.

Good things come to those who wait, right?

In the mean time I'm continuing to post photo albums and articles on http://www.DiveIntoYourImagination.com and our facebook page, which I made myself... mostly with pure html coding. I am going to be starting a twitter and facebook page for http://www.euroscrub.com... links to be posted when they are done.

Can't wait to get paid at the end of the month... me and my boyfriend are going to nice restaurants and eating me out of house and home!

The Adventures of a Marine Biology Graduate

2009-10-08T22:50:00.000-07:00

Hey all,

Though I know that no one is reading now, I know that people will read in the future... I have to start somewhere, right?

The purpose of this blog is to provide insight into the plights of a young girl (me, of course) as she attempts to fulfill her dream in the field of aquatic biology.

What is Aquatic Biology, you ask? Most of the time, we hear about marine biology, but never aquatic. Well here's the secret... the only difference is that my degree includes freshwater. I would be perfectly happy standing in the middle of a stream sampling it, as I have done before. Let's see if I can find that picture.....

Yep, that's me in the jeans. That was for my super intense Aquatic Communities class. Gave me some really great experience, but I'm not sure if the jobs I'm applying to realize that.

We wrote a scientific journal-style paper once a week. Usually about 10 pages each. My final one was nearly 30 pages. On top of all the writing, we of course had to get the findings. This included going out to streams all over Santa Barbara, taking measurements and collecting samples, then going back to the lab to analyze everything. Definitely one of the most intense classes I've taken, but also the most rewarding for sure.

If anyone knows where I can find a job doing that, let me know ;-)