How many times can a heart break before it is unfixable? What does it take to make a person shut down and never want to try to fall in love again?Luckily I'm a positive person, and while being rejected 4 times in one year hurts... a lot... I will make it through and just keep moving on.
I suppose I should take it as a blessing. At least I am making progress with the guys I associate myself with. I upgraded to someone who made me feel good about myself, and who I could tell was genuinely into me. Now I just need to continue moving forward and find someone with good communication in the bad times as well, and someone with good conflict resolution skills, and someone who is able to compromise.
I keep coming across this issue of "change" in my relationships. Me wanting to change them, and them wanting to change me. What we have to recognize here is that there is a difference in changing the essence of who you are and changing an attitude. Sure, I have self esteem problems. Not to the point that I think poorly of myself, but just that I worry about what guys think of me, and doubt their feelings unnecessarily. Yes, that is definitely a change I need to make, and I would appreciate a guy who can recognize that and help me through it. But don't feel bad because you think you're changing the person that I am, that's not true. If you have anger issues and I think you should change it, that is not changing who you are, that is changing an unhealthy attitude that hurts other people and prevents you from making any progress.
I have to thank Annie Crawley for her insight too. I always notice when my ego is getting in the way and try and stop it, and I can recognize when someone is being defensive and rude to me.. so then I know it's not me, it's just their ego getting in the way.
Maybe I'm wrong here, but I think if you ask any married couple, a good relationship that will last a long time requires:
1. Communication
2. Compromise, especially in the sense of pushing your ego aside and really listening to what the other person has to say
3. An open mind
4. Fun
5. Friendship
6. Emotional Stability
7. A strong connection- realizing each others faults and still loving each other for them. Knowing each others differences and embracing them.
And I deserve someone who is able to do all of these!
And now, I just want to make a list I can look at when I'm feeling down.. I guess a little pep talk if you want to call it that.
Reasons I should not dwell over past relationships:
- I deserve someone who shows me they care, every minute of every day
- I deserve someone that thinks I am good enough to work through the rough spots with.
- I deserve someone who can't forget about me at the drop of a hat. Someone who needs me and can't just ignore their feelings for me.
- I deserve someone who is able to communicate issues with me. Keeping them locked up and not telling me when something I do bothers you is never going to work. The problem will just continue and you will become more and more frustrated.
- I deserve someone with consistency of feelings towards me
- I deserve someone who can sit down and talk with me without becoming blinded by anger.
- I deserve someone who can actually sit down and think about how their words affect me, and understand why I get upset over them.
- I deserve someone who wants to make plans with me and only me. Someone who wants to bond with me and improve our connection.
- I deserve someone who can have sympathy for me when I'm having a hard time. Someone who can listen and offer insight.
- I deserve romance!
Things I learned:
- I need to work on thinking before I speak.
- I need to have confidence that the person I'm with is with me for a reason, and not question their motives.
- I need to not get worked up over small things right away. I need to let them play out a bit before making a decision, but still bring up the issue as soon as I know it is definitely an issue.
- I need to complain less.
- I need to have more confidence in myself and know that I am a great girlfriend. I need to not second guess myself or my feelings.
- I need to work on not completely throwing myself at the guy. I need to have time to myself and time with my friends. I know with Matt this was a huge problem, but with Paul I think maybe I just didnt have enough time to fit it all in. Either way it is something I need to focus on. I need to sometimes give him a chance to come to me.
Parts of myself I should have confidence and pride in:
- I am able to compromise. I can listen to what you're saying, and examine it to see if its true and make a change in my life.
- I am positive
- I am laid back and mature about my relationships. I have complete trust and don't let jealousy blind me. I am able to sit down and talk about issues like an adult, thinking about both sides of the argument.
- I may be naive, but I think it helps me enjoy life. I like seeing the best in people.
- I am willing to stick it out through the good times and the bad. When I care about someone, I will put in the time to make things work.
- I give the person 200% of myself. I am open and honest about everything. I am a great listener and I am always there for them when they're having a hard time, listening and offering insight.
- I am independent and have a great career. I follow my passion and I am a generally passionate person.
